We know some hoodlums, street rats, and vagabonds, so we asked them, what are the Top five things you can do at USC that will get you expelled? Sure, you can get kicked out for drinking too much, or failing too many classes. But what about more creative ways?
5. Sneak into the underground tunnels that snake through campus.
You may not have even known the city had a series of underground tunnels. Well it does, and they’re pretty crazy. These tunnels weave their way underneath Columbia, going from the campus to Five Points. These tunnels are sort of an enigma to USC students; kids have said they are old sewage lines, the underground railroad, or even the former tunnel of a giant Basilisk. Regardless of what they are/were used for, entering them has historically been grounds for expulsion.
“Drunk idiots from 5 points are a balanced part of my daily diet”
4. Try to light a building on fire.
Wait, you mean arson will actually get me expelled? Yes. Yes, it will. Arson is actually something that occurs somewhat frequently in this wonderful state, and if you didn’t know it, an arsonist dropped a firebomb on Salty Nut this year:
The Salty Nut building suffered an estimated $300,000 worth of damage when the January 6th fire started by a Molotov cocktail thrown through a broken window. Sadly the costs have been even deeper in lost revenue and for the 30 people who are unemployed while the restaurant rebuilds.
The arsonist, a USC student named Walter Podewill, was arrested and no one was hurt.
3. Keying a Professors Car
Oh Stephen Garcia.
Back in 2007, a young Garcia *RANDOMLY* keyed a professors car. Let me explain: Garcia was caught red handed keying Professor Biggs’ car in a parking lot. Unfortunately, Biggs is not a professor of USC, but a professor of Claflin University. Garcia apparently then offered to pay him $500 in cash to cover it up. Bless his heart.
This *didn’t* remove Garcia from school, but you probably don’t have the same clout he enjoyed. (Perhaps this article should be followed with “All the things you have to do to get expelled if you’re a good quarterback.”)
Cut your hair bro.
2. Rappelling off of USC’s smoke stack
Certainly you’ve seen USC’s smoke stack. It’s the idyllic spot for *unique* background pictures of campus. We’ve never seen anyone try to do it, but in my head if they did, it’d probably warrant some jail time.
if you try to scale and rappel off the smoke stack – kudos – you’re a badass.
1. Streaking on the Horseshoe
We’ve all thought about it. Maybe it’s just me. USC’s prized possession is its precious horseshoe. It took forever for USC to let ESPN bring Gameday to the ‘shoe for fear of ruining THE GRASS. Ridiculous.
Please, don’t streak on the shoe. Or do. But before losing your clothes, keep this in mind:
- Think of all of the people who you know that are studying there. Awkward…
- Those poor tour groups. Those little high schoolers would either immediately cross USC off their list or circle it big time.
- South Carolina doesn’t need to be in the news for more weird people.
There’s a lot of things you can do on the ‘shoe, streaking is not one of them! Don’t get expelled.
All in all there are tons of things you can do to get kicked out of school. So keep your head on straight, have fun, and please don’t be an idiot. BUT if you are an idiot, please call us so we can come take pictures.
